3 ways 'modern masculinity' impacts the way we date

Kate Ng
Updated
Laughing couple embracing and sharing chocolate while on date
UK men say they feel pressure from romantic partners and social media to look and act a certain way. (Getty Images) (Getty Images)

British men are at a crossroads when it comes to figuring out what masculinity means in modern society. While the scope of masculinity is more inclusive than ever, traditional expectations of men still linger, leaving many men confused.

A new report by dating website eharmony sheds light on how modern masculinity, with all its pressures on men to look and act a certain way, is impacting the dating world.

The data uncovers some of the complexities when it comes to what men expect of themselves and what is expected of them, across a variety of areas including dating and sex.

We take a closer look at how ideas around modern men are affecting the way people date and form relationships.

Despite social media being full of dating trends that welcome men who have not historically been seen as the "masculine ideal", expectations of men appear to be more traditional in real terms.

The New Leading Man report by eharmony found that 18% of British men have felt pressure from a romantic partner to change how they dress. An additional 16% said they felt like they had to change their attitude.

UK men also felt pressured by their partner to change their emotions (15%), friends (14%) and weight (13%).

When asked to define masculinity in their own words, British men were most likely to say that strength (both physical and mental), physical traits such as facial hair, and personality traits such as confidence and feeling secure were masculine ideals.

rear view of a couple walking on the street
Conflicting expectations of men can lead to confusion and a reluctance to be vulnerable with others. (Getty Images) (Getty Images)

Nearly half (45%) of UK men believe protecting their loved ones is a main trait of masculinity, followed by physical strength (39%) and being the main provider for their loved ones (37%).

Todd Baratz LMHC, eharmony relationship expert, said: "These conflicting expectations make it tough for men to navigate dating vulnerably. When men face these mixed messages, it can lead to confusion and insecurity, making it challenging to approach relationships with confidence and authenticity.

"This often results in a lack of vulnerability, preventing genuine connections from developing, or creating barriers and guardedness that hinder the establishment of safety and trust in relationships."

‘Short kings’ had their moment over the summer when social media declared that negativity around smaller statures when it comes to men should be done away with, giving confidence to those who lack in height.

However, eharmony’s report found this to be short-lived. In fact, the number one deal breaker for people who date men was height, with 43% of Gen Z respondents and 40% of Millennials saying they won’t date a man who is shorter than them.

Laurel House, eharmony relationship expert, warns that daters who "maintain a small spectrum of what’s considered attractive" may be "missing out".

"By opening and expanding the spectrum of what is attractive, daters are dramatically increasing their options and opportunities for connection, relationships and love," she adds.

"What’s interesting is that oftentimes men who have historically been viewed as less attractive because of these superficial physical attributes like height tend to be more attentive, aware, and purposeful with their partners."

Conversations around mental health are more open, honest and transparent than ever, with plenty of high-profile figures like celebrities and athletes opening up about their struggles.

Among the male respondents to the survey, 20% listed mental health as the top struggle they face. However, less than a third (24%) said they were open to having conversations about it.

The reluctance to talk about mental health is impacting the love lives of UK men. Majority (69%) of Gen Z and Millennials who date men believe it’s important for men to know that emotional intimacy is just as important as physical.

Dr Lalitaa Suglani, eharmony relationship expert, weighs in: "While there are many reasons men struggle with mental health, it’s no secret that today’s dating environment is difficult to navigate, often impacting self-confidence and emotions.

"The pressure of constant scrolling is intensified by society’s narrow perceptions of masculinity, which can box men into rigid roles and expectations. Talking to friends, family members, partners and even professionals is one way to break down these supposed barriers and understand that masculinity doesn’t have to be rigid – it can take many forms."

Smiling young couple holding hands together and standing face to face on a sidewalk outside of a cafe
People who date men believe it's important for men to talk about their mental health. (Getty Images) (Getty Images)

Baratz adds: "Being open about your mental health not only strengthens your bond with your partner but is also an essential act of self-care. The better we care for ourselves, the better we can care for others.

"When men embrace emotional vulnerability, it fosters trust and intimacy, allowing both partners to feel understood and supported. This openness creates a safe space for both individuals to share their struggles and triumphs, ultimately leading to a deeper, more meaningful relationship."

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