What happens to YOUR hormones on your child's first day of school

Hannah Millington
Updated
Parent saying goodbye to child on first day of school. (Getty Images)
It's normal to experience a hormonal shift yourself when your child starts school. (Getty Images)

If your child's first day of primary school is fast approaching, you're likely wondering how they will feel on the day, whether they'll enjoy it, and whether they'll be okay.

But while it is a huge milestone for them, it's also a big moment for you too as a parent. And your own whirlwind of emotions aren't just sentimental, they're triggered by a complex combination of hormones.

So, from the lead up to the first day and saying goodbye to reflecting on the big step and adjusting to the change, here hormone health expert Mike Kocsis at Balance My Hormones explains exactly what's going on inside, in four stages. Plus, tips on how to deal with the physiological response and its impact.

Father combing, brushing his daughter's hair at home, father and daughter smiling, family moments, spending time together.
The change in how you feel will properly start as the big day approaches. (Getty Images) (ozgurcankaya via Getty Images)

"Cortisol, known as the 'stress hormone', is released by your body in response to the anticipation of challenges. Your body will start to produce more and more cortisol as the big day approaches, causing heightened alertness, racing thoughts, and difficult sleeping. This is the body's way of keeping you on your toes, making sure you're able to deal with the new routine and the emotional demands that the first day may bring," Kocsis explains.

Then a bit later, adrenaline kicks in. "This is your fight-or-flight response, which is released in times of acute stress, giving you a quick burst of energy to react to what your body perceives as a significant event. In this case, it might be released at the moment you drop your child off at school, and can manifest as a pounding heart, sweaty palms, or even the urge to cry."

Curly cute little toddler girl back to school with holographic schoolbag or satchel, child going to kindergarten. Toddler kid first day at school or preschool.
The parent can also feel the separation. (Getty Images) (Inna Reznik via Getty Images)

"The 'love hormone' comes in once you've said your goodbyes. Oxytocin is involved in attachment and bonding, and is responsible for the connection you feel with your child. Once you've watched them walk into the school building, the wave of emotion you feel and new feeling of separation in an unfamiliar place, is caused by a drop in oxytocin levels, which leads to feelings of sadness and emptiness," says Kocsis.

"To counteract this, your body then releases endorphins, which are natural painkillers that help soothe physical and emotional discomfort. These help you manage the feelings of loss and letting go, and help you adjust to the idea that your little one is growing up."

One travels more usefully when alone because he reflects more
You might feel quite proud about the experience. (Getty Images) (Delmaine Donson via Getty Images)

"After the endorphins, you might find yourself reflecting on the big step your child (and you!) have just accomplished. Serotonin is a hormone that regulates mood, and helps you process the event in a balanced way, promoting feelings of contentment and emotional stability as you navigate the complicated feelings of your child growing up," explains Kocsis.

"The 'reward hormone' dopamine is released when you're able to acknowledge the significance of the event. Whether it's from feeling proud of your child and their achievements, or simply being proud of yourself for getting through it without crying, dopamine reinforces the positive emotions that help you associate the memory of this time with happiness and pride, rather than loss."

Back to school. View from the back of a happy dad escorts his sons schoolchildren to school. Parental care for children.
It's normal for your emotions to change throughout the process. (Getty Images) (Elena Medoks via Getty Images)

"As time goes on and the drop offs at the school gates get easier for you and your child, your hormones will gradually return to a more balanced state," says Kocsis.

"Oxytocin levels will stabilise as you adjust to their time away from home, and the surge of stress hormones will taper off as you all settle into the new routine."

However, it's still natural to experience mood and hormone fluctuations as your body adjusts. "You might feel nothing but pride and happiness one day but be full of anxiety and worry the next. But understanding the hormonal shift means you're more equipped to deal with it."

With Kocsis's insight not specifically for one gender and a general guide for all parents, it's important to note hormonal reactions might vary slightly between mums and dads.

"Men and women tend to have different responses to stressors, which really comes down to their differences in hormone production," says Dr Shirin Lakhani.

“The first day of school for their child can be stressful and overwhelming for both parents. However, there are certain differences such as when cortisol and epinephrine rush through the bloodstream in a stressful situation for women, oxytocin creates the biggest difference between men and women in this situation.

"Once released from the brain, it tends to counteract the production of epinephrine and cortisol which in turn promote more relaxing emotions and can even mean a focus on nurturing rather than the classic ‘fight or flight’."

Men also do produce the hormone oxytocin when a stressor occurs. However, Dr Lakhani adds, "In comparison to women, it is in much smaller amounts.

"This relates to men exhibiting the more well-known 'fight or flight’ response whereas it’s thought that women go through a more 'tend-and-befriend' approach to stressors through evolution."

Watch: Father interviews daughter on every first day of school from kindergarten to senior year

Here's a reminder of Kocsis's tips for adjusting to the big change and balancing out those hormones:

  • Practice some self-care. Try engaging in activities that can help you de-stress, such as meditation, gentle exercise, or spending some time in nature

  • Connect with other parents. Remember that you’re not alone – there will be plenty of other parents at the school gates feeling the exact same shift in their hormones and emotions, and connecting with them means you can provide support and comfort to each other

  • Celebrate little victories. Acknowledge not only your child’s achievements, but also your own, no matter how small. This can boost feelings of positivity and reinforce it as a happy time, rather than a sad one

  • Seek help if you need to. If you’re struggling to cope, don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a doctor or therapist, if needed

 

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