Adult Advent calendars: is spending £999 on whisky really the way to celebrate the birth of Jesus?

Name: Advent calendars.

Age: The first known Advent calendars were used by German Lutherans in the 19th century.

Appearance: Mature and pricey.

Do we have to do this now? It’s only September. Are you kidding? Of course we should be discussing Advent calendars now. You only have another 11 weeks to find the perfect Advent calendar.

That’s more than a fifth of a year. It doesn’t matter! It takes 11 weeks to choose the perfect Advent calendar, and roughly the same amount of time to save up for one.

That isn’t true. Advent calendars are what, a couple of quid? If only that were true. You seem to be forgetting about the sudden rise in Advent calendars for grownups.

What do you mean? Well, last year there was a 31% sales rise for Advent calendars containing gin.

Oh for goodness’ sake. Meanwhile, last year Brewdog sold a beer Advent calendar for £50, Ann Summers sold one full of oils and sex toys for £200 and spirit brand Drinks by the Dram sold a specialist whisky calendar that sold for £999.

For an Advent calendar? That’s right. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. This year you’ll be able to buy cheese Advent calendars, makeup Advent calendars, coffee Advent calendars, stationery Advent calendars and bath bomb Advent calendars.

But why? Because this is a chance for brands to commemorate the sanctity of the birth of our lord Jesus Christ.

Is it? No, it’s so they can flog even more junk to impressionable idiots.

That isn’t very nice. Sorry, I didn’t mean idiots. I meant adult humans who find themselves trapped in a nightmarish death spiral of arrested infancy.

OK, that’s better. But if ever there was a case of the market deciding what it wants, this is it. Once Advent calendars were simply a way to mark the passage of time in the approach to an important holy ritual. Now they’re a way for adults to overspend on disposable tat.

What can we do to stop this? One way would be for us all to deliberately shun consumerism by simply opening an empty, gift-free cardboard Advent calendar every day throughout December.

What, and not get any chocolate? You’re right, that’s a terrible idea. Spend away!

Do say: “The cost of Advent calendars has risen dramatically to accommodate the adult market.”

Don’t say: “It’s nearly October. Why aren’t we talking about expensive Easter eggs yet?”