'You can do it!': Affirmations can seem cringe. Should you do them anyway?

Amelia Edelman
I can and I will text on a light box.
Affirmations can have a positive effect on a person's self-worth. Here's how to get started. (Getty Images) (jayk7 via Getty Images)

This summer, plenty of celebrities, from models to Olympians, have demonstrated or spoken out about the power of affirmations. But what are affirmations, and do they actually work? And perhaps a more pressing question for many of us non-celebs: How can you practice affirmations without feeling awkward (or like you’re Stuart Smalley on Saturday Night Live)?

“Affirmations are positive statements someone says to themselves that can help shift their thoughts and behaviors,” Caroline Fenkel, an adolescent mental health expert and the chief clinical officer at Charlie Health, tells Yahoo Life. When used consistently, she explains, affirmations can reinforce a positive self-image and boost confidence. And some solid research backs it up: Studies have shown that self-affirmations light up the brain pathways associated with reward, and are associated with behavior change when practiced correctly.

Affirmations can change our behaviors and feelings because they’re a form of positive reinforcement, says Jennifer Carter, a psychologist at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center. “Many of us believe that being hard on ourselves helps reach our goals,” Carter tells Yahoo Life. But, in fact, “positive reinforcement ... is more effective at changing behavior than is punishment.”

But while these uplifting messages can be a powerful tool for many, the effectiveness of an affirmation practice depends on how you do it. Here, mental health experts weigh in on the benefits and challenges of affirmations — and offer some tips for trying them out in a way that might work best for you.

“Affirmations can help reinforce positive self-beliefs and boost confidence,” says Fenkel. “By consistently repeating positive statements, people can reshape their internal dialogues and enhance their mental resilience.” This can be especially helpful when you’re in a difficult or challenging situation — such as competing in the Olympics — since affirmations can help you maintain a constructive mindset.

Mental health counselor Rachel Marmor agrees, suggesting specific affirmation statements such as “The world is a better place because I'm here” and “I am good enough” to affirm your intrinsic value. “These affirmations encourage a stronger, more positive view of yourself,” Marmor says.

Another benefit of affirmations is that they “are an opportunity to practice self-compassion, i.e. talking to ourselves like we would talk to a friend,” Carter adds. Maybe you’re more comfortable soothing a loved one or giving a friend a pep talk; affirmations flip the script so that you're offering that same kindness to yourself too. This can even extend to supporting yourself in setting boundaries within your different relationships; Marmor suggests using statements like “I have every right to get my needs met” as a reminder to stand up for yourself.

Not least of all, affirmations can “address deep emotional needs by directly confronting common fears of inadequacy and unlovability,” adds Marmor. She recommends speaking or writing affirmations such as "I am lovable just as I am," which she says has lead to significant emotional healing and increased resilience among her patients.

Of course, affirmations can come with challenges — especially the Smalley Effect. If you remember Stuart Smalley, the hokey and hilarious affirmation-loving SNL character played by Al Franken in the 1990s, you may cringe at the thought of practicing affirmations or positive self-talk in your own life.

“Affirmations can feel cheesy and unbelievable,” admits Carter. And that goes for both the affirmations we give ourselves and those we try to give others. For example, “telling an affirmation to someone who is down (‘You've got this!’) may actually make that person feel worse,” Carter says. “Often, what we really need is empathy or acknowledgement.”

Marmor agrees that affirmations can seem inauthentic if they’re “disconnected from your current beliefs.” If you’re trying to tell yourself “I am lovable” while you’re deeply struggling with self-worth, for example, it “may initially feel fake and provoke resistance,” she says.

Positive self-talk may also backfire, Fenkel adds, if “the statements are not grounded in achievable goals.” Don’t go around pumping yourself up every morning with an affirmation that “I will receive a $50K raise this year” if that’s out of your wildest dreams. Instead, make your words more realistic — but still inspiring — like, “I work hard and I will be rewarded for it.”

Woman stick a sticker with affirmations on the mirror.
One expert recommends writing affirmations on a sticky note. (Getty Images) (Maria Korneeva via Getty Images)

Curious to start an affirmations practice that feels more natural and less awkward? Try these tips.

  • Choose affirmations that truly resonate with you. Not all affirmations work for all people. Just because someone else swears by starting the day by telling themselves "the world is a better place because I'm here" doesn't mean it'll feel right for you.

  • Integrate them into your daily routine. Marmor suggests saying affirmations during your morning routine, writing them in a journal or repeating them quietly to yourself while engaging in daily activities. “Read a positive statement on a sticky note while you get ready in the morning,” says Fenkel.

  • Personalize your affirmations. This way, they’re yours and no one else’s — and are more likely to resonate. Fenkel recommends “using specific phrases related to your goals. Connect them to actions, such as reminding yourself of your strengths before a big presentation.”

  • Simplify them to just “cue words.” Carter encourages repeating shorter “cue word” affirmations along with diaphragmatic breaths. “Cue words are phrases that help athletes focus on one thing at a time, something under their control, about the process — not the outcome,” Carter explains. “For example, ‘Quick and light,’ ‘One at a time,’ ‘Explode off the blocks,’ ‘Smile' and 'You've got this.’”

  • Combine affirmations with other positive practices. That could mean meditation, listening to uplifting music or enjoying a cup of tea.

  • Share affirmations with friends or family. Do you feel more comfortable giving compliments than receiving them? Affirming others along with your self-affirmations can make the practice feel more comfortable and less isolated.

Like every other life goal, affirmations require practice. “Neuroplasticity means that our brains can change over time,” explains Carter. “Neurons that fire together, wire together, and we need to fire up affirmation pathways over and over to make them more believable.” She adds that over time, repeated affirmations become more believable to us — and may make us more confident in ourselves.

And, “while affirmations work, it's important to note that they’re not a magic fix,” says Fenkel. They work best when combined with concrete actions. For example, if an Olympic athlete repeats an affirmation like "I am strong and capable," that affirmation of course needs to be supported by rigorous training and a well-crafted strategy to be truly effective in their sport and goals. “Affirmations help maintain focus and motivation, but work in tandem with effort and persistence,” Fenkel adds.

So while affirmations can have a positive impact, they should be viewed as one component of a broader approach to fostering mental resilience. But the good news is, finding the right affirmation practice has been found to change behaviors and mindsets for the better. So go ahead and give it a try. Dare we say it? You’ve got this!

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