Jimmy Kimmel on Trump: ‘I cannot believe he’s still trying to convince us he won the debate’

Late-night hosts talk Donald Trump’s incoherent answers on the campaign trail and Melania Trump defending her long-ago nude modeling work.

Jimmy Kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel opened Wednesday’s show by mocking Donald Trump’s attempts to spin his debate performance last week as a victory. The former president posted on Truth Social: “Finally everyone is agreeing that I won the Debate with Kamala. It was like a delayed reaction but, as one Political Pundit said, ‘Trump is still the G.O.A.T.’”

“He thinks his caddy at Mar-a-Lago counts as a political pundit,” Kimmel quipped. “I cannot believe that he’s still trying to convince us he won the debate. If you won, why do you keep saying she cheated? Like when Tom Brady deflated the football – he beat the Colts 45-7 that game.”

Nevertheless, Trump claimed that ABC fed Harris the questions ahead of time, and that she had an earpiece feeding her answers. “Yes, the ‘something in the ear’ theory spread by his Air Force Fun Bunny, Laura Loomer,” Trump’s rumored far-right paramour, who posted that Harris’s earrings looked like earphones (the exact earrings are available online for purchase from Tiffany’s).

Related: Seth Meyers to Trump: ‘How hard is it to denounce bomb threats against schools?’

In other bad news for Trump, 111 former Republican national security officials and members of Congress published a letter on Wednesday endorsing Harris for president, calling the Republican nominee unfit to serve as president “or to serve at a Cheesecake Factory”, Kimmel joked. “It is a scathing letter. We’ve never seen anything like from a candidate’s own party.”

According to the group: “We expect to disagree with Kamala Harris on many domestic and foreign policy issues, but we believe that she possesses the essential qualities to serve as president and Donald Trump does not.”

“In some ways, Trump really is bringing the country together,” said Kimmel. “Just imagine you applied for a job at, let’s say, a Big O tire store, and during your interview someone arrived with a letter signed by 111 of your former colleagues that says ‘this guy sucks’, I feel like you wouldn’t get the job, right?”

Seth Meyers

On Late Night, Seth Meyers poked fun at Trump’s seemingly devolving mental state. “Nothing will ever trigger Trump as much as Kamala Harris saying audience members leave his rallies because they’re boring,” he said, referencing a comment Trump again disputed at a rally on Tuesday.

“That’s right, people don’t leave his rallies – the soaring message that was unfortunately lost on the people who left that exact rally,” Meyers laughed. “Trump is so insane he’s getting fact-checked by his own supporters in real time. Next time he says Hannibal Lecter is a wonderful man, they’re going to cut to Hannibal Lecter in the crowd holding a sign that says: ‘Actually, I’m a bad guy.’”

At the same rally, Trump also peddled the conspiracy theory that Harris had an earpiece during the debate. If it were true that the US vice-president had a team of people constantly in her ear – and it is not – “and she still managed to kick your ass? I wouldn’t be telling us about it,” said Meyers. “In Trump’s mind, the only way anyone could ever coherently answer questions about policy on the fly is if they’re getting fed the answers in real time. That says a lot more about you than it does about her.”

As evidence, Meyers turned to one lengthy, rambling, incoherent answer Trump gave at a rally in Flint, Michigan, when asked how he would bring down the cost of food and groceries.

“We’d get a more coherent answer if we took a bunch of Scrabble letters, dumped them into a bingo cage, picked them out at random, translated them from English to French and French to German and then back to English, then recorded them on a VHS tape and played it backwards,” said Meyers. “I’m honestly in awe that you can talk that long without making any sense whatsoever.”

Stephen Colbert

And on The Late Show, Stephen Colbert kicked off with news that the Federal Reserve cut interest rates by half a percentage point on Wednesday afternoon. “Oh my god, do you know what this means? Because I do not,” said Colbert. “I was a theater major. This money has been an accident.”

The announcement – the first time the Fed has cut interest rates in four years – caused a huge spike in the market, “a financial phenomenon economists call ‘boing!’”, said Colbert. But by the end of the day, the market was down nearly 100 points, “because the Dow refuses to take its meds”, Colbert joked. “We love you, and we are worried about you, Dow.”

In more random news, Melania Trump entered the election chat with a new video defending her long-ago nude modeling work.

“I’m sorry … what’s happening?” Colbert asked. “No one, absolutely no one, is talking about your nude modeling. I know you have a new memoir coming out and you’re trying to get attention, but America is facing a far more pressing question.”

As Melania says in her video: “The more pressing question is, why has the media chosen to scrutinize my celebration of the human form in a fashion photo shoot?”

“Ah yes, the thing the media is definitely scrutinizing: the 24-year-old naked photo shoot of Melania on Trump’s plane,” Colbert quipped.