I moved to New York for my boyfriend, then he dumped me

When Caroline,* 32, found out her boyfriend, James*, 27, had been headhunted for a job in New York, she decided to leave her life in Sydney and join him. But soon after they moved, things started to go wrong…

James was tall and handsome, with an athletic build and perfect, straight white teeth. I met him at a mutual friend’s birthday one day mid-summer, when I was 30. Although he was five years younger than me, he was far more mature than most other men I’d been out with since my last serious relationship ended, and soon after meeting, we started dating.

I couldn’t believe my luck. Not only was he gorgeous, but he was dependable and driven – qualities which hadn’t been important to me in my twenties but had become more so as I got older.

He told me on our very first date that he had always dreamed of moving to New York, that he wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps to do a stint out there before settling down for good in Sydney, where we both lived.

In hindsight, it should have been a red flag, but although I knew I was falling for him, the idea of him moving to the States seemed like a future problem, one that wasn't worth thinking about so soon after meeting.

Building our life together

While neither of us had been looking for a relationship, we began spending all our time together, and I loved how his positive outlook and laidback nature rubbed off on me. My friends and family adored him and life was good – we both had jobs we loved and we discussed moving in together.

We'd been together for just over two years when he was headhunted by a finance firm in New York to head up a new division. I couldn’t have been prouder – he'd always been a huge champion of my career as a writer, and I knew how much this meant to him.

I was also excited by the prospect of moving to New York. I had spent much of my teens watching back-to-back Sex and the City episodes and thought it would mean living out my Carrie Bradshaw dreams, sipping coffee in Starbucks and tapping away on my laptop.

It all happened very fast. I gave notice to my housemate, we moved all my things into his parents’ house and – instead of looking for a potential apartment for us to share in Sydney – I began to trawl listings for Brooklyn.

Reality hits

But life in New York was nothing like I'd expected. In fact, I had never felt lonelier or less fulfilled. I threw myself into building a new life there, but I couldn’t settle into a new rhythm.

A natural extrovert who’d never had a problem making friends, I couldn’t find my footing in New York. I’d attend events alone – book clubs, yoga classes, socials at the new co-working space I joined, but it was almost as if any potential friends I met could smell my desperation. Any plans I tried to make with them would usually go unanswered or be rescheduled at the last minute.

Before moving, James and I had never argued, but in New York it became an almost daily occurrence – he was working late most days, while I stayed at home, bored and alone, frustrated at how difficult I was finding it to create a new life.

Despite everything though, I never once doubted our future – instead, I put everything down teething problems that I presumed were a normal part of moving to a new country together.

Bombshell news

However, one night James sat me down and ended things. It came completely out of the blue – I honestly thought he was the man I was going to marry. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

He explained that while living in America had always been his dream, he knew it wasn't mine, and he didn't want to ruin what had been an otherwise happy relationship by forcing me to live in a country I didn't want to. I was devastated, I begged him to reconsider, but he wouldn’t change his mind.

That night, he slept on the sofa and left for work before I woke up.

In the cold light of day, I knew he was right about things not working in New York. He'd been honest about his dream to live and work there since our very first date. But I hoped that we could discuss it again and come to some sort of solution – be it having a long-distance relationship or even moving back home to Sydney.

What I hadn't anticipated was him telling me when he got home from work that I needed to leave New York immediately. His visa conditions were strict – and stated that if at any point the two of us broke up, he would have to notify them to stay in compliance with his work permit.

And so, he did, the day after breaking up with me. I got an email less than 24 hours later, giving me seven days’ notice to leave the country, and pack up my relationship with James.

World falling apart

To say I was heartbroken was an understatement – it felt like my whole world had been ripped out from under my feet, with me having no say in the matter.

The next day standing on the side of the road as I waited for an Uber to take me to the airport to fly home to Sydney, I didn’t know if I could ever forgive him.

Of course, in time, I did, realising in hindsight that he’d done me a huge favour. New York would never be home for me and forcing myself to live in a city that didn’t suit me would have imploded the relationship eventually.

James still lives there, and we’ve managed to stay in sporadic contact. While I wouldn’t say we were friends, I'm grateful to him for showing me how to have a positive outlook on life. His optimism had always been one of his best qualities.

I’m now in a serious relationship with another man who suits me perfectly, but I’ll always look back on my time in the States as a learning curve that taught me what I really want in life.

*Names have been changed to protect identities.

Read more: All of Yahoo UK's How I was dumped stories.