Are you 42, but feel 27? Why we all have a subjective age — and what it means for our approach to aging well.
Your heart tells you you're 27, but your birth certificate says 42. For many of us, there’s a big difference between how old we feel inside (aka our subjective age) and how old we actually are (our objective age) according to, you know, calendars and the passing of time.
“Objective age is real,” health scientist and hypnotherapist Dian Griesel tells Yahoo Life. “We cannot change this. A year is a year. That said, subjective age is a mental attitude that is supported by action.”
The action part is where things get interesting — and where our day-to-day choices influence how old we feel. Griesel is in her 60s but subjectively feels much younger. “I can choose to accept my senior citizen pass, catch the early-bird dinner specials and retire to a rocking chair," she says. "But I choose to work, create, go out for walks at 10 p.m. to see what the kids are up to, eat as well as I possibly can and move my body.”
She’s not alone. Studies have found that older adults typically feel 20% younger than they are. Research also shows that people with higher subjective ages — who already feel older than they are — tend to be more physically frail.
“This phenomenon captures an individual's self-perception of their own aging and reinforces that ‘you are as old as you feel,’” Dr. Rehan Aziz, a psychiatrist and professor at Hackensack Meridian School of Medicine, tells Yahoo Life.
So, what factors influence our subjective age, and can feeling younger help you age better? Here's what experts say.
What influences our subjective age — and why it matters
Subjective age refers to how old people perceive themselves to be, which may be quite different from their calendar age. According to clinical psychologist and professor of psychiatry Georgia Witkin, “much of subjective age depends upon your health, energy level, lifestyle and how you actively choose to define yourself."
Therapist Natalie Rosado agrees. "When you nurture a positive mindset and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, your subjective age can often feel much younger than your chronological age,” she tells Yahoo Life.
A number of factors can influence our subjective age, including:
Mental health: A positive state of mental health and well-being often correlates with feeling younger. Meanwhile, “feelings such as depression, stress or anxiety can make you feel older,” says Aziz.
Social support: Strong and active social networks (the human/communal kind, not the Facebook kind) contribute to younger subjective ages.
Physical health: “Good physical health and fitness levels are associated with a younger subjective age,” Aziz says. On the other hand, chronic illnesses can contribute to feeling older.
Studies have also indicated that changing brain structures can increase your subjective age, as can poor or insufficient sleep.
Aziz believes that subjective age is a major predictor of various health outcomes. “Feeling old has been linked with decreased self-esteem, increased mortality, depression and increased rates of sickness,” he says.
Can subjective age change?
Our subjective age can absolutely transform over time, as we go through different life stages that make us feel suddenly old or young — like parenthood, divorce, retirement, a new job, illness or going back to school, to name a few. “Ever seen someone retire and suddenly they're acting like a college kid on spring break?” Rosado points out.
Social worker Vikas Keshri adds that “having a baby might make you feel older due to new responsibilities, while starting a new hobby or overcoming a challenge can make you feel younger.” But in general, the older we get, the more of us start to fall into that category of feeling 20% younger than we really are.
Making peace with subjective age
Although there’s certainly research to show that subjective age can be linked to better overall well-being, “It's important to focus on feeling good, not necessarily younger,” cautions Keshri. “There's beauty in every stage of life.”
Plus, when there's a major disconnect between how old you are and how old you feel, “it can lead to feelings of incongruence or dissatisfaction,” says Rosado. Finding a happy medium between your objective and subjective ages primarily involves “embracing the present moment, honoring your life journey and finding joy in activities that resonate with your youthful spirit,” says Rosado. “Acceptance and self-compassion are key to aligning how you feel with the age you are."
So what can you do to love where you are in life — and not get too hung up about your actual age?
Embrace aging. This is the big one. “Accepting and celebrating the aging process can reduce negative perceptions about growing older,” says Aziz. Adds Witkin, “[Seeing] aging as a series of changes ... will go a long way to not making us feel like victims of time."
Engage in age-defying activities. Staying active and healthy, maintaining social connections,“and pursuing intellectually stimulating activities can help individuals feel younger,” says Aziz.
Focus on positive aging. “Highlighting the benefits and opportunities that come with age, such as wisdom and experience, can shift perspectives,” Aziz says. Remember, there are plenty of advantages to where you are right now — not least of all “having overcome the uncertainties and insecurities of being a younger adult,” he adds.
Practice self-compassion. This can help you let the stresses of aging just roll off your back — because you’re able to love and be compassionate with yourself, even on your bad days..
Overall, subjective age is an excellent reminder that we do have some influence over how and how fast we age. “Remember: Age is just a number, and subjective age is, well, subjective!” says Rosado. “So embrace your inner child, or your inner wise sage.”
“Over the years, I’ve tweaked my perspective about age,” adds Griesel. “Objectively, I know time on Earth for all living things is finite. Subjectively, I can be as alive as I want any day if I choose to show up and embrace the moment.”
