‘We’ve been together 33 years. I want sex once a week. He wishes it was three times a day’: This is how we do it in Chile

Natalia, 62

I was in my late 20s when I met Juan Luís. It was Father’s Day and I was in a restaurant with my family. It turned into a dance hall at night and I saw someone looking at me. Juan Luís asked me to dance and we stayed until 4am. From then on, we have never separated: we’ve been together 33 years.

Juan Luís and I have one child together, and sex has never been taboo. Nowadays, sex is everywhere: you see it in films and on TV. But when I was growing up it was a much more conservative culture; the older folks were more close-minded. Sex was never addressed in the household: my mum never told me about it. At school, we were just taught about periods. It wasn’t until I met my first boyfriend, when I was about 20, that I learned about sex. But it was secret, my family didn’t know about him.

That relationship didn’t last long and I didn’t have any more sexual adventures for a while. I was more focused on going out dancing and spending time with my friends. Then I met my husband, and we’ve had sex pretty much every day since.

Juan Luís is a very hot man. We have a rich sex life, but when I turned 50 I began to go through the menopause, and my desires decreased. I don’t feel the passionate desire I had when I was young. I feel as if I’m lazy and tired now; a lot slower.

I would just have sex once a week, but I think Juan Luís wishes it was two or three times a day. It’s usually every night now, because I compromise. He tries to make me feel good and arouse me. We might have a drink, watch a movie – do something romantic. It helps that we’ve known each other almost all our lives. We’re not embarrassed about anything; about how our bodies look or how we act. We’re happy being naked around each other and always sleep naked. I haven’t worn pyjamas for decades.

Juan Luís, 63

Before Natalia and I met, I had been married before. I was very young – by 18, I was already a father. I had joined the navy at 16, and as a sailor you ended up meeting girls up and down the country. Back then, sex was more of a taboo: it wasn’t talked about, certainly not at home, but we were still having it. And, being a Catholic, conservative country, contraception wasn’t easily accessible. Though you could get condoms from the pharmacy, there wasn’t much education, so many people didn’t use protection.

I had always wanted a long-term, loving relationship. Maybe because I never had a present father growing up, I wanted to have a wife and to be a dad. But my first marriage ended after I found out she had cheated on me.

When I was 30, I went out dancing with friends from the navy and saw Natalia. I asked her to dance and we didn’t stop. I knew then that I wanted to be with her. I asked for her number and called her two weeks later. After seeing each other for about five months, I asked her father for permission to date Natalia. I spoke to him to tell him I was serious about her, and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. About a year later, we got married.

Sex is important to me, and I like to stay active. If I could make love with my wife every day, I’d do it. Maybe I tire her out, because I try it on every day. Natalia is going through the menopause and doesn’t feel like it as often. So I’ll try to create the right conditions for her to feel desired and sexy. We might have a drink, make some nice food, and I’ll massage her feet, give her a body rub. We always laugh together, and from there we get in the mood.

Callout

I guess it’s quite incredible that we have sex almost every day, and have maintained this for the last 30 years. I don’t think there’s anything new to discover between us now. We know each other so well, and sexually I think we’ve done everything. I still love just touching my wife. We might try different positions once a month. She’s definitely not as fiery as before, and perhaps that’s due to age, so we’ll do things like oral sex less often, and fewer positions. Sometimes she doesn’t feel like it, so we’ll just watch a movie or go to sleep. I think it’s about accepting each other’s desires.