The debate: is working out with other people beneficial?

Some think working out is best with a friend; others couldn’t think of anything worse. Guardian US writers Lauren Mechling and Madeleine Aggeler debate: is it best to sweat alone or with others?

Yes: working out with other people is great

It all started when I bumped into my friend Liana by the farmers’ market last month. She was a vision of health, with her swishy ponytail and sporty jogging gear. Had I known that making an offhand comment about enlisting her to help me get fit would result in a military-style operation, I would have thought twice. But while my gym membership languishes and the hot yoga class pack I purchased in a fit of optimism expires, most mornings I find myself logging 3.5 miles by Liana’s side.

Related: Never write yourself off! 25 things I’ve learned about getting fit – after almost 60 years of sloth

Until recently, I did not consider myself a member of the exercise-in-numbers camp. The term “sweat date” – which people used to propose as a form of networking back when I worked at a fashion magazine – always made me want to vomit into my running shoes. Just as I never got into team sports, I never understood the appeal of executing burpees with a buddy, let alone planking alongside a publicist. I was a lone wolf – hear me howl! – and I wanted the freedom to pop into the gym whenever I felt like it.

But with freedom comes great responsibility – or, in my case, great laziness. Liana, whom I met in the trenches at the aforementioned fashion magazine, keeps me on the straight and narrow. Our runs are, if not the best part of my day, not the worst. Most mornings now, I meet her by the park entrance at 7:15 and we wheeze along her preferred route until I can’t stand it anymore and slow to a walk while she unapologetically darts ahead.

Related: How to stay fit forever: 25 tips to keep moving when life gets in the way

For all the times I have texted Liana “I hate you”, the truth is I kind of love this thing we’ve got going. And not just because I can fit again into my beloved red corduroys. I’d forgotten how nice it is to see a friend on the super regular. Our conversations are not the forced and frenetic “catch-ups” you overhear at wine bars. My morning runs with Liana double as old-fashioned hangs with a friend who knows me inside and out. Day after day, as we make our way through the loop, Liana and I free-associate like 1970s housewives in psychoanalysis until we are out of breath; then we just wheeze and grunt. And when I catch up with her at the finish line, we celebrate with a little walk and talk.

If you want to dance like nobody’s watching, who am I to stop you? But if you tend to curl up on your couch when nobody’s watching, you could do worse than a sweat date. – Lauren Mechling

No: working out with other people sucks

Exercising with people is terrible. By people, I mean friends, family members and lovers. Group fitness classes full of strangers are fine. There’s no need for chitchat, and who cares if random people see the weird face you make when you’re concentrating in half-moon pose?

But exercising with people you actually know? No thanks.

According to WebMD, the benefits of having a “gym buddy” or “swolemate” include “accountability” and “fun”. (They don’t cover the potential health risks of using the term “swolemate”, which presumably include social exclusion.)

First, the idea of someone “holding me accountable” for exercising – like I’m some sort of delinquent fitness ne’er-do-well – makes me want to scream. Maybe it’s deep-seated petulance, but I can’t think of anything that would make me want to work out less than someone saying “Don’t forget to exercise.” You’re not the boss of me! And if you are my boss, that’s not really appropriate for you to say.

And fun? Well. I love working out, I really do. But it’s not the kind of fun I’d share with a friend.

A few years ago, I ran a half-marathon. The training lasted several months and was mostly fine but occasionally deeply unpleasant. Every couple of weeks I found myself at the outer limit of my abilities, my inner drill sergeant berating me as I trudged slowly up a hill. At the end of these runs, I felt proud, but also physically and emotionally exhausted. Doing that while trying to gab sounds horrible.

Which brings me to my final point: if you exercise with other people, you run the risk of someone saying “You can do it!”

Is there anything worse? “You can do it!” is something my friend says to her baby who is learning to walk. I recently said it to my dog when she was struggling to do a poo. That’s what being the recipient of a “You can do it!” makes me feel like – sweet and small and kind of pathetic.

That’s not how I want to feel when I work out. I want to feel tough. I want to feel like I’m in a training montage from GI Jane, but with bangs. I want to forge a deeper connection with myself and simultaneously fantasize about being someone completely different. To do that, I need to be alone. Doesn’t that sound fun? – Madeleine Aggeler