From sexual health to sleep: the experts’ guide to menopause
When it comes to going through menopause, no two women will have exactly the same experience. While you might be expecting irregular periods and hot flushes, there’s actually a whole range of symptoms that can leave women feeling confused, unsupported and often too embarrassed to talk about what’s happening. But just as an app with directions makes getting from A to B less stressful, having the right knowledge and support can make navigating this inevitable part of life easier and more empowering too. So we asked our panel of experts, all Menopause Your Way contributors, for their key pieces of advice and this is what they said …
‘Embrace new goals and changes’
Jo Fuller, menopause educator and founder of The Merry Menopause
“Menopause is often clouded by negativity, but it can actually serve as a powerful catalyst for positive change and self-development. My top piece of advice is to use this inevitable period of transition to reassess and set new, meaningful goals that align with where you are in life and that will help you age better. This is the perfect time to set goals focused on your wellbeing, personal growth, and what truly matters to you right now and moving forward.
“Menopause often brings to light underlying issues with relationships, past trauma, career, health and our purpose in life – but these are opportunities, not obstacles. Rather than seeing menopause as a period of decline, consider it a chance to do the inner work that will help you to get better and feel happier as you get older.
“I recommend that you start by changing your relationship with the idea of ageing – recognise that you really do have more vibrant years ahead than you may realise. Any symptoms you experience aren’t just challenges; they’re signals from your body, urging you to pay attention, make adjustments, and work in harmony with your body as it changes – resistance is futile.
“By embracing menopause with a positive mindset and viewing it as a period of self-development and discovery, you can shift your experience from merely enduring it to making it more of a life-changing experience.
“If that sounds overwhelming and you’re not sure where to start, begin with one thing at a time. Write a list of some of the goals or changes you might like to make, and work on one at a time. Breaking this new chapter of life down into smaller incremental steps will prevent you piling on too much pressure and can help you build self-confidence along the way.”
‘Start making sexual pleasure all about you’
Ruth Ramsay, adult sex educator and coach
“The idea that midlife spells the end of a woman’s sex life is outdated. If your sex life is important to you, don’t give it up! Yes, there may be challenges arising from both physical and mental changes, such as vaginal atrophy [dryness] and mood swings, but modern treatments – both hormonal and other options – can help massively. So don’t be shy to visit your GP and say you need help.
“Menopause can actually be a sexual awakening for many women. With fertility out the window, sex is now purely about enjoyment. In midlife, a healthy focus on one’s own needs can develop. So often, sex is about someone else’s pleasure – well, now it’s the perfect time to make it about yours.
“Testosterone replacement is often presented as a magic bullet for libido, and can help some women, but the largest sexual organ of the body is the brain. Our mindset and beliefs around sex as we get older, and willingness to experiment and to talk to partners, can be of more importance than our hormone levels.
“Remember [if you’re in a relationship with a man] men change in midlife too, and after 40 their erections can become less reliable. This isn’t ‘dysfunction’ – it’s a natural part of ageing – but it can make them embarrassed and stop initiating. You might read this as a lack of attraction down to the changes in your body, but don’t let crossed wires add to the problem. Talk about it! These changes can complement each other and couples who can communicate about them report that sex actually gets better.”
For products that can support and empower you, visit the sexual wellness edit at QVC’s Menopause Your Way
‘Focus on strength training and make time for daily affirmations’
Michelle Griffith Robinson, Olympian, personal trainer and lifestyle coach
“When it comes to exercise, you may have spent years dedicating gym sessions to cardio, but now is the time to switch things up and focus on strength training, especially as osteoporosis [when bones lose density and become more likely to break] is a common menopausal symptom caused by loss of oestrogen.
“Going to a gym, having sessions with a personal trainer or using proper weights is all brilliant, but if you can’t do that, don’t panic – strength training can be done at home with stuff you have around. For example, carrying home shopping bags is a great way to work muscles in your hands and arms, and getting in and out of a chair 10 times in the morning, and again in the evening, keeps glutes and quad muscles strong with just your body weight.
“I’d also highly recommend looking at yourself in the mirror every morning and evening and telling yourself that you’re enough. Or leaving a Post-it note saying something similar on your laptop. It sounds a bit cringe, but I really believe in the power of affirmations, especially now. Menopause can cause havoc with your body and tricks with your mind and these simple, daily changes will work to strengthen both.
“Once you understand what’s going on with your hormones and get any support you might need, things often slot into place, so keep reading, keep researching, keep talking – and remember, not one size fits all, so keep going until you find what works for you.”
Whether you’re at the start of your fitness and wellbeing journey or want to increase your current regime, QVC has products and advise to support you
‘Let go of trying to control your sleep’
Dr Kat Lederle, sleep scientist and body clock expert
“Menopause and sleep problems often go hand in hand, but my biggest piece of advice would be to let go of the struggle and let go of trying to control your sleep. When we struggle, we are active, we are tense, and often anxious about what will happen if we lose or can’t take control. But this is the exact opposite of what is helpful for good, restful and restorative sleep.
“Instead, respond to yourself with kindness and compassion. If you’re in bed and completely unable to sleep, try to stay calm and do these things; first, notice objectively what is going on, namely that you are awake. Notice what your mind is doing, even if that’s overthinking, judging and predicting. Notice how your body feels, including the coming and going of hot flushes. And notice how and where your body connects with the bed and the linen.
“Second, if you find you are anxious or angry with yourself, talk to yourself in a kind and caring voice – like you would to a child or someone you deeply care for. Acknowledge that this is a time of struggle and that you are finding this tough. Remind yourself that none of this is your choosing or your fault.
“Third, gently shift your attention to your breath and just observe it as it may be in this moment. You might find that your mind falls quiet for a moment before it begins to race again, which is totally normal. Acknowledge your thoughts, and return your attention to your body and then to your breath again.
“The more you practise this, and respond to yourself with kindness, over time your body and mind will find it easier to slow down and you should find it easier to naturally fall back asleep again.”
For more advice from Dr Kat Lederle, along with products to encourage a peaceful night’s rest, check out QVC’s sleep hub
‘Put yourself first – especially in the mornings’
Karen Newby, nutritionist, retreat founder and author of The Natural Menopause Method
“We are a central cog in a busy wheel and have often spent our whole lives looking after everyone else except ourselves, so however time starved you might be, taking the time to do three simple things in the first hour of your day can have a massive impact on your morning vitality during midlife, and can affect the way you function and feel throughout the rest of the day. They can also help with stubborn weight loss too if you are suffering from weight gain around the middle.
“On waking, enjoy a mug of hot water with a slice of lemon in it, rather than immediately drinking coffee or tea. Caffeine puts us into fight or flight mode and we are often dehydrated when we wake up, so it really doesn’t serve us.
“Next, enjoy a protein rich breakfast. Quite often we don’t get enough sustenance when we need it the most – at the beginning of the day. Think eggs any which way; bircher muesli with rolled oats, your choice of milk, and spices like cinnamon and allspice; full fat yoghurt with nuts, seeds, ground linseed, berries, oats and spices; scrambled tofu; scrambled eggs with feta and spinach; porridge with nut butter, nuts and seeds.
“Finally, enjoy your caffeine with breakfast. This means that we are more likely to look forward to it versus the mindless ritual of tea and coffee drinking throughout the day, which is often so passive.
“Menopause is a full-on time for most women, but it’s also a time when we are forced to slow down and listen to our bodies. I like to see it as a kind of wake-up call, which men don’t get. It’s a time for putting yourself higher up the to-do list, even though this might ruffle some feathers. This is your time, now. So please, start putting yourself first – as soon as you wake.”
‘Treat intimate wellness as essential self care’
Gabriella Espinosa, women’s health and sexual wellness coach
“The more we know about our bodies, the better we can advocate for ourselves, both in the bedroom and the doctor’s office. To do this, I urge you to reconnect with your sexual anatomy.
“During the menopause transition, oestrogen decline affects collagen and elasticity to the vulva leading to thinning, dryness, burning and pain during sex. These symptoms, known as genitourinary syndrome of menopause [vaginal atrophy], lead many women to suffer in silence and believe that menopause marks the end of all sexual pleasure. The truth is, when we embrace our intimate wellness as essential self-care, midlife can be a new and exciting chapter in our sexual lives.
“My biggest advice is to start thinking of your vulva as a garden, and like any garden, it requires proper care, nourishment, understanding and attention to thrive. So begin by getting comfortable with the lingo. Did you know, your vulval anatomy includes mons pubis, clitoris, inner labia, outer labia, urethra, vestibule, perineum and anus?
Related: From skin changes to a good night’s sleep: how to build a better menopause
“Next, don’t be afraid to discuss the use of hormone therapy with your healthcare provider, as this may benefit you and help with symptoms. This includes vaginal oestrogen, which has been proven safe and effective.
“Make sure you keep your vulval anatomy hydrated. Use a vulval moisturiser daily that is free of parabens or perfumes to keep the tissue hydrated, especially if you’re experiencing dryness.
“Get to know your own vulva by regularly looking at it with a mirror. This way you’ll understand what your ‘normal’ is, allowing you to spot any changes in colour or texture, which should always be reported to your doctor.
“Lastly, communicate with your partner. Open up a dialogue about the changes you are experiencing and ask for more time and gentleness during intimacy, sharing what feels good to you.
“Nurturing your vulva garden is an act of self-love and an essential part of your health and wellbeing, especially as you navigate the changes of menopause. With proper care and attention, your garden can continue to bloom, offering you a lifetime of pleasure and delight.”
For advice from more leading experts on how to navigate your menopause, alongside curated products specially designed to ease your symptoms, discover Menopause Your Way at QVC
