Ronaldo’s tears and why imperfections are box-office entertainment
FOR CR7YING OUT LOUD!
Good Will Hunting is a great movie for many reasons. Robin Williams’ outstanding performance, Ben Affleck’s petty squabbling with his on-screen and actual brother, the fact that Affleck and Matt Damon’s Oscar-winning screenplay is actually (a little bit) autobiographical – both hailing from Massachusetts, Affleck’s father was a janitor at Harvard, while his mother went to the university, as did Damon, before dropping out. The film is a great watch, a classic and pleasing arc of self-discovery, with a happy-ish ending that avoids the pitfall of being too twee. The protagonist (Will, played by Damon) is a complete eejit – sucker-punching people, fighting police, insulting his mentor’s dead wife, ignoring the time and energy of others while taking his seemingly god-given talent for granted – but we end up rooting for him anyway, because genius is a bewitching and beguiling thing.
Watching Cristiano Ronaldo against Slovenia was like sitting through Good Will Hunting if Will wasn’t very good at maths. Or rather, watching a sequel, where 39-year-old Will used to be good at maths, but has forgotten how to be good at maths, so all that happens is that rather than focus on potentially more interesting characters that could lift the narrative, the cameras follow Will as he walks around, crying, with a sense of absurd entitlement.
That’s not to say that Ronaldo’s performance – or the 120-plus minutes of goalless football – lacked entertainment. Unless you run some sort of weird Social Media Disgrace fan account devoted to Ronaldo that exclusively refers to him as “CR7” (grow up), Monday’s game was absolute box office. Partly because Slovenia put on an absolute clinic in defensive nous and counterattacking football, but partly due to the schadenfreude of watching a grown man combust because he didn’t get his way. Slovenia had Ronaldo’s number. How do you like them apples? After punting what seemed like 1,057 free-kicks into Row Z and generally stinking out the joint while Portuguese forwards João Félix and Gonçalo Ramos watched glumly from the sidelines, Ronaldo appeared to be inconsolable after the excellent Jan Oblak saved his penalty in extra time, sobbing uncontrollably on the pitch.
Bruno Fernandes and João Palhinha tried and failed to help, like children putting their arms around a tearful father who had just lost a parents’ tug of war on sports day. But ultimately, Ronaldo and Portugal were saved by one man: their goalkeeper Diogo Costa, who repelled all of Slovenia’s penalties in the shootout, to set up a quarter-final with France. “Even the strongest people have their [bad] days,” Ronaldo humbly explained afterwards. “I was at rock bottom when the team needed me most. I was sad at first but now I’m happy. That’s what football is. Moments, inexplicable moments.” That Portugal-France game should be a thriller – should, we sat through France v Belgium. Portugal can’t hit a barn door and France have scored two own goals and one penalty in four matches. People call those things imperfections, but no, that’s the good stuff.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“We can try to find those who have not voted and get them to go to the ballot box to make sure that the extreme right does not get in. They seek to take away our freedom and take away the fact that we live together. And that is my political stance” – fresh from his player-of-the-match performance in the 1-0 defeat of Belgium, France full-back Jules Koundé uses his platform to try and stop his nation from becoming a political bin fire.
EURO 2024 DAILY LETTERS
Further to Peter Oh’s comparison between Glastonbury’s Saturday night headliners Coldplay and 11 other English plodders (yesterday’s Euro 2024 Daily letters), I was at the Pyramid Stage the next afternoon, with an anxious eye on Rob Smyth’s MBM for the England game. As extra time began, Janelle Monáe began to play Tightrope, and by the time I had a phone signal again, it was 1-1. I’d like to think it was this bit of musical serendipity that kept England in the tournament, though the song’s lyrics – “Ha ‘cause you get too high, no you’ll surely be low” – don’t bode well for the quarter-final” – Ian Rodin.
It seems clear that since Brexit happened, all the bile and fury previously directed at EU apparatchiks now flies around our society like the contents of Spud’s bedsheet. I therefore call on Gareth Southgate to perform one last great sacrifice for his country, and stay on as England manager For All Time, so that he becomes the eternal lightning rod for all the anger and frustration of the English people. This will allow us to go about our lives in an atmosphere of calm and goodwill toward our neighbours, knowing that an opportunity for a spittle-flecked rant is only ever the next England game away” – Chris Goater.
Looking towards the conclusion of the Euros, if it ended up as a Germany v Switzerland final (not impossible), this would work wonders for the self-esteem of the Tartan Army. Why, a defeat and a draw against the finalists? That’s as good as third place surely? Surely?” – Ken Muir.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Chris Goater, who wins a copy of Euro Summits: The Story of the Uefa European Championships 1960 to 2016, by Pitch Publishing. Visit their bookshop here. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.
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